I an convinced that life is supposed to be messy. I have lived a large part of my life in a protected comfort-zone of solitude or living in community with a very few close family members/friends. I haven't been overly involved in anyone's life. When Peanut got sick, I pulled even further into my solitude comfort zone. Life was too hard so I withdrew into myself which has always been my easiest coping method. I have accepted that this is not how God designed us to live. However, finding the correct way to change that is a whole different story. I want to be involved but it's not as easy as just having the desire. I really struggle to be there for others when it's an inconvenience for me or makes me uncomfortable. So, I am working at prying myself out of my comfort zone. I am seeking ways to be more involved in my friend's lives. I am hoping to find a way to live outside myself. I know this is something that needs to change and I believe that decades down the road I will be thrilled I made the effort to change this part of me. It's time to roll up my sleeves and see how many different ways I can serve those around me.
When I think about how we are meant to live, I immediately reflect on the life of Jesus. There were times when he withdrew to be alone and pray. I understand that part of him - that need in me is usually in hyper-drive! However, most of the time Jesus extended himself beyond what was comfortable, usual or what He desired. Although I cannot quote book chapter and verse, I recall stories when Jesus was ready to begin something different or move on to another town but he stopped because his heart was moved by the people he was surrounded by. His heart broke for those around him. His life had to be the messiest life I've ever heard of. He surrounded himself with outcasts and consistently ministered to those considered to be undeserving, immoral, or just plain unacceptable. He loved all men and served everyone with love and grace. It is His life I must strive to follow. It is His example that will prompt me to become a true Christ follower. He is the one that will shape me into the woman he wants me to be - a woman I can love.