Thursday, January 31, 2013

learning to love life through the struggles

     This morning, as I was thinking of all we've been through in the past 14 months, I was burdened with the heaviness of it all. Then, I heard a whisper in my spirit, "What is God trying to teach you through this?" Yes, my life has not been easy lately. Yes, we have a lot of medical struggles. Yes, I am ready to move on to a new chapter of health, laughter and loving life. However, I think before I can move on God wants me to learn to love my life even when life is hard. Even when my daughter has a life threatening birth defect that has not been taken care of yet. Even when I struggle through "bad migraine" days. Last night I tossed and turned, awakening often to the all too familiar intense throbbing in my head. And this morning, as my medications begin to work, I am reminded that this life is temporary. This life is my chance to learn to love God and love the life He has given me. I share my home and life with my sweet sister. We have a wonderful, loving relationship. And God has put us in this home in order to care for one another. She takes care of me when I am down - emotionally, physically or spiritually. And when she is down I am able to do the same for her. She is a precious child of God and God often uses her to remind me of the things in life that are truly important - namely, serving, loving and praising God. I am a blessed daughter of the King most high. I am a daughter of the One who created everything and everyone I love. And if that cannot carry me through these momentary struggles than perhaps the problem is not found in life itself but in my heart. There is so much I have to learn! I will choose to be positive through the physical pain, heartbreak or any other difficulty that comes my way. I choose to love God. I choose to serve Him - regardless of the circumstances of my life. There is so much that I can change by just changing the way I think. I will remind myself that I am blessed. I will remind myself that it is God who has carried me this far. If I were left to do it on my own I would have not lived to see this day. Yes, I have a daughter with one scary diagnosis and another life long diagnosis that at times seems to take over my life. But, my faithful Father is more than able to carry me through this. I have been blessed with an incredible family - sisters, brothers and parents who serve God and speak truth into my life. I cherish my time with each of them. I have been blessed with an amazing husband and two wonderful children. My husband surely has earned an eternal blessing and reward for all the ways he has cared for me - even when I am not easy to love! My children have been accepting and loving of me and their life - even through all the changes of this past year. This morning when I got my warm, tight, good-morning hug from Pumpkin, I told him either his dad or I would pick him up after school. I told him I might not be able to pick him up because I had a bad headache. He kept his one arm around me and with his other hand, gently and lovingly rubbed my head. He has such a sweet, tender spirit - what a gift from God he is to me! We are blessed to live in a country where we are free to worship God as we see fit. We have so many freedoms that I often take for granted. I am blessed with a home, an incredible church, and so many friends who pray with me as I encounter struggles. Friends who love me through everything. Friends who point me to God and remind me that He IS in control and that while this life is temporary and there is so much to look forward to when I get to heaven, there is also so much to love in this life. I pray that I am able to embrace life and begin seeing the positive that surrounds the struggles. God is active in my life. God has worked miracles on my behalf. God cares and sees and knows. And God deserves all my praise, worship and honor. I only have one life to learn to love God, others and this life itself through everything that comes along my path. I better get busy!

Sunday, January 27, 2013

A busy, fun weekend

     Well, we made it to the deadline for the science project and had it finished on time! Let's not talk about the 4 1/2 hours we spent on it the night before it was due! :) I am so proud of Pumpkin and his first place prize! He worked so hard documenting everything and getting the display put together. It was a fun experiment involving M&Ms and "predator" friends!
    This weekend was a busy one for us - not one day of sitting at home staring at a screen. Which, in my book is a good thing although I often vote for the day on the couch instead of going out and doing something. On Saturday we went to see the snow and ice sculptures at SnowFest. Then we went to the Science Fair to see how Pumpkin did (Did I mention he got first place?! So proud!). After that, we were finally able to make it to my parents house for a visit. We hadn't been able to see them since Christmas! We typically try to make it over to see them once a week but we don't go if any of us is sick. So, this time of the year we just don't get to see them as often as we would like. Then this morning, Pumpkin had a school concert. He did great and his class sounded beautiful! After that we attended church - another good service although I didn't quite get to hear the entire sermon thanks to Peanut's sudden insistence on a snack (which I hadn't brought with me). We did manage to get a little quiet down time after church - I even took a nap after lunch! This afternoon, Pumpkin and I had a date. Usually we go out on a Saturday but this time there was a mother-son event at a local bowling alley so we took advantage of that. It was a lot of fun! Pumpkin had a great time - even though we quickly realized we were much better at Wii bowling than actual bowling! We had pizza and root beer - the first time Pumpkin had root beer and he over-indulged. Life's little lessons - today's lesson was too much caffeine can lead to a headache. On our way home, we stopped at McDonald's for some chocolate chip cookies. I am really loving these dates that I get with Pumpkin. It all started thanks to a conversation with our friend. We were talking about how much attention Peanut gets at the hospital - from mom, dad, friends and family. We also mentioned that we felt bad because Pumpkin never got that kind of time with us. Our friend strongly suggested that we begin taking Pumpkin on dates. He said no matter what special things Pumpkin does with other family and friends, nothing can equal special time with mom and dad. So, we've started taking both kids on dates - one every weekend. That means that each of the kids gets one date with mom and one date with dad every month. It has been a wonderful thing for us! I hope the kids treasure these times as much as we do!
     We are quickly approaching the final treatment for Peanut's AVM. I am eager to begin the countdown to complete recovery from this issue that has overwhelmed our lives. I am amazed that time has flown by so quickly - it's almost been a year ago now! It's hard to believe it's been that long. But I am really ready to move on to the next chapter of our life. It seems like I've lived the last year numb. There is so much that has gone on around me but I've felt unable to be a part of most of it. Just getting through Peanut's medical issues has used up every ounce of energy and emotion I have. I am ready for that to end. I am ready to love life, to laugh often, to dance with my children, to truly enjoy the special moments of an ordinary day. I am ready to live again and not just get through our days and weeks. It is time to move on. I look forward to discovering what life holds in this next chapter. Life is full of twists and turns and I think our next turn is going to be a fantastic and wonderful adventure!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Science takes over our life...

     Having never participated in a science project, I had no idea of what to expect when Pumpkin decided he wanted to participate in the Science Fair at school this year. Now, the deadline is looming and I am lamenting our lack of action in the days after this decision was made. I had no idea how long documenting all the results would take! The experiment itself took maybe 2 minutes. However, interpreting the results is quite the lengthy process! On top of that, we are doing our best to see that Pumpkin does most of the work himself. So, the graph that I could complete in under a minute, takes him 5 minutes. I love that he's learning and that he's working so hard at this science project. However, I had no idea it would take over our life. We spend hours every evening working on this project. The deadline to set up your display is Friday. And we haven't even started putting it together! I don't do well under pressure apparently. I am so preoccupied I feel like I can't think! I am having to make notes about every little thing. Things like: remember to bring the kindergarten snack in the morning, call the doctor about upcoming appointment that doesn't work with our schedule, do homework with Peanut. I am hoping that in the end, Pumpkin is satisfied with the results and is glad he decided to do this. Of course, I am also hoping that he earns some sort of prize too!
     In the meantime, we are continuing to move forward with Peanut's AVM treatment. She had her MRI this week and did great. It was a complicated hospital visit because of her multiple diagnoses. We were thrilled to come home shortly after the MRI was completed and Peanut was wide awake. Of course, we won't know the results for a little bit. I was hoping we would have a date for the next step - radiation - but we weren't able to get that yet. I assume, we will have that when we go to the the MRI follow-up appointment.
     So, we are busy but doing good. I am treasuring my time with my children and husband and continue to be amazed at how quickly time flies. We are approaching the one year anniversary of Peanut's brain bleed. I'm not sure how that anniversary should be marked. Should we celebrate the year we've shared that we weren't even sure we would get? Should we let it slip quietly by? Should we have a big party with family and friends? Should we pretend that day is nothing special? Only time will tell how we spend that day but I know my mind will be filled with the images, emotions, sights and sounds of that day. It is incredible to see the changes from that night to this day. We are blessed with a bright, healthy (despite a life-threatening birth defect), happy, and energetic daughter! We look forward to many, many more years as a family of four.

Friday, January 18, 2013

A good week

     Well, today I had an appointment with my migraine specialist. I am excited to be taking fewer meds now! She agreed that it is time to take me off my daily meds and see if I can go without it without getting too many migraines. This med has many side effects and I am eager to see how much changes when I'm not on this medication. Probably the most annoying side effect has been the mental fog it puts me in. I just can't seem to find the words I want to say what I am thinking. In the coming weeks, it will be interesting to note which things were caused by my meds and which things are just simply me! :)
      Next week starts off with a hospital stay. Peanut is scheduled to have an MRI and her allergy to the dye requires steroids which affects her diabetes and then requires careful monitoring. For us, this visit will just be routine - nothing major, just a few hiccups to work around. We should only be in the hospital for one night which we are grateful for. It's always hard to stick to a routine (or get a decent night's sleep) in a hospital. The MRI will map out the AVM. After the MRI, they should be able to schedule her radiation treatment and then it's a waiting game. We are glad to be this far into the process. We are all too aware that things are not "safe" yet. For example, today - one of the few days I did not spend up at the school - Peanut fell on the playground and hit her head. We got a call from the school and my husband went up (since he was out in that neighborhood anyway). It was a very tense 15 minutes for me as I waited for a call to tell me that everything was ok. I tried not to worry but found myself getting more tense with every passing minute. I began to wonder if I should be throwing things in a bag for another long hospital stay. I should not have worried - she was fine. Thank God! She was back in her classroom before too long and went through the rest of her day as if nothing happened. I sure was excited to see her - happy and healthy - at the end of the school day! I don't know if I will ever learn the lesson "cast your cares upon the Lord" completely - it is always a struggle. I will keep working on that.
     This week has been a good one - filled with little moments of laughter, blessing and love. The other day, when Peanut discovered that she didn't have any clean pajama pants, she just couldn't handle it. So, I found a pair in the washer and tossed them in the dryer for a few minutes. She pulled them out and deemed them dry enough and changed into them. A few minutes later she came out of her room whining, "My pants are making me sockin' wet!" My husband and I couldn't help but laugh and then had about a 15 minute conversation about how much we didn't like being "sockin' wet". Another example of Peanut's own language is a "tomato storm". Anytime she talks about a "tomato storm" I don't correct her pronunciation of tornado because it makes me laugh every time! God has reminded me several times this week that we are so blessed. He has provided for us in so many amazing and unique ways! He has also reminded me how much our family is blessed simply because we are a family. Both of our children are happy and fairly healthy (aside from Peanut's issues which are working towards being resolved.) So, I end this week feeling at peace, blessed, calm and happy to be with my family, relaxing as the weekend begins.

Monday, January 14, 2013

If life were more perfect...

     I have been thinking a lot about what I would want my life to look like if I could have it exactly the way I wanted it. What I have learned is that there is no way for me to have everything I want at the same time! So, hopefully each of these things will come in a different season of my life and at the end of my life journey, I will have some truly remarkable stories to share with my children and grandchildren.
     I have a huge desire to go back to school. I am not willing to go into debt right now for that and I honestly couldn't handle school right now. I would have to get past some of Peanut's medical issues and find a more stable time in my life to make that work. I would love to earn a Master's Degree in Child Psychology and/or education. I loved my years in college but find myself now with a photography degree I just don't have any interest using. Ultimately, I would like to work as a Child Life Specialist. I never would have known this field existed if it weren't for Peanut's brain AVM. A Child Life Specialist teaches children and their families how to cope with some of the most difficult times in life - times of illness. They have been a God send to us! They have taught Peanut how to handle pain, new procedures and tests, how to become comfortable with all the medical paraphernalia in her room. They also teach the parents how to help their child and how to work through this difficult time themselves. On top of all of that, they also help assess siblings' understanding of what is going on and help fill in any gaps they discover. There is just so much they do and I have been blown away by their ability and desire to stand by the family and help them walk down this incredibly tough road. I would love to someday have a job working as a Child Life Specialist. Just another thing to add to my list of to-dos. :)
     I spend quite a bit of time volunteering in my daughter's kindergarten room. I thoroughly enjoy it and would love to spend more time volunteering in the kindergarten rooms. I love watching the children grow and learn and I love discovering their unique personalities as the year progresses. I enjoy the friendships with the teachers and being a part of something that I feel is one of the most important things in life - education. If life were more perfect, I would not have to work and could volunteer in the school as much as I wanted while making time to pursue my master's degree.
     One of the most important things to me is that I develop deep, lasting relationships with my children and extended family. I don't feel that I am a spectacular mother. However, with God's help I know I can reach this goal. I want to be a huge part of my children's lives - all through my life. I want to babysit my grandchildren and share vacations together. I want to share interests and passions. I want to always be sincerely interested in whatever interests my children. I want to become a better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend and eventually, grandma. I want to share rich relationships with people from all walks of life. I want to be known as a true friend who is always reliable, loving, caring and giving. I want to give of myself before I worry about taking care of myself. I have so much to learn in this area. I don't feel like I have all the tools necessary to be as great a friend as I'd like to be. However, I am willing to become better. I am so thankful for the relationships I have now and the patience and grace that is continually extended to me. I am overwhelmed with the kindness of my friends - new and old. :)
     As I continue this journey, I want to travel! There is so much in this world to see and do and I want to be able to point to all sorts of things and say, "I was there. I did that!" I want to spend some time in all sorts of places - maybe a summer in California, several months in Europe, missions trips, safaris, lots of vacations and cruises, photos and memories from all over the globe! I love traveling. I love seeing new places and exploring new areas. I haven't had a big trip in way too long - over 10 years! I hope the rest of my life journey includes lots and lots of traveling!
     Of course, there is no way for me to know what this life will bring, but I hope I am able to embrace whatever may come and always see life as an adventure. I want to love being alive and just enjoy the ordinariness and incredible uniqueness of my every day. I want to embrace life and live every day to the fullest. I want to learn to appreciate a quiet, calm, even boring day at home as much as I enjoy the most adventure filled day of my life. I want to show my children that life is FUN! It is full of adventures if you just know how to see them. What an incredible life awaits me...who knows what is coming around the next curve in the road!! :)

Saturday, January 12, 2013

A little bit of gypsy in me...

     Well, this happens fairly often with me but it's always annoying. I get the urge to pack up and go - anywhere but here. It's not that I have problems I am running from or anything like that. I just know this world is so much bigger than the few communities I live in. There's a whole world out there and I'm just sitting in the same city I've been in since I was 6 years old! In fact, the home I live in now is less than 5 minutes away from the home my family first lived in when we moved to Michigan from Ohio. I just feel like the years are flying by and I'm not taking advantage of all the opportunities that exist in this country. I guess if I am 100% honest, there is a little bit of the wanting to run from things here in this mood as well. The economy in Michigan was hit REALLY hard and still isn't recovering. While other states seem to be making progress we still seem to be struggling. Jobs are few and the pay is low. I'm ready to leave all this behind and start over fresh in a new state - preferably one with more sunny days than we have here in Michigan! I look at all we have here and think, yes, I could leave it all behind to have a fresh start somewhere new... and sunny! Maybe it's just the gloomy weather combined with the stress of daily life. Maybe it's just time to take a vacation. Whatever it is, I feel it rising up in me - this huge urge to run and start over. A bit like the movie Chocolat I suppose. (LOVE that movie!) Unfortunately, as I type this I am completely aware that this is not the path my life will take. In fact, I won't even see a change of scenery for this day! It can be frustrating but it is a good time to remind myself of my blessings. I am a mother to 2 amazingly wonderful children. I have the most loving, caring, doting, sweet, unselfish husband I could have ever imagined. I share my home with my big sister who I adore and her great family. While I am ready to sell the home I live in and move out to the country, I have a great home that provides the shelter our families need. Our bills are paid. God continues to work out our finances - usually at the last minute when I think it is too late. My children attend a school that continues to amaze me with their care, ministry and clear heart for God. I am able to be at the school with my children every day. I have a job that helps our budget work. My husband has a good job that still gives us health insurance that has covered astounding amounts of health care costs for our daughter. I am blessed. God has blessed us in overwhelming ways. And yet... I have the urge to pick up and go somewhere! Perhaps I will start planning a vacation! It would be so nice to pack up and go to the beach today - maybe I will just have to start planning for spring break!

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

An anniversary and a new appointment

     My husband and I just celebrated another anniversary. Thanks to a sweet friend who got us a gift certificate to a local restaurant we had never been to before, we had a great dinner out celebrating just the two of us. I can't remember the last time we were able to go out just the 2 of us and really enjoy it. I know we went out on a date after Peanut's first hospitalization but we were so worried about Peanut that we just hurried through it, unable to enjoy much of it. We had dinner at a great restaurant - my husband's new favorite! The whole evening was perfect. Peanut and Pumpkin spent the evening playing games with their aunt, uncle and cousins. We knew they were having a blast! Plus, we knew my sister could completely handle anything that came up with Peanut. At the restaurant we had the perfect table - off in the corner with very few people around us. So, we were able to talk freely. It was so nice to sit and chat about anything and everything! We really enjoyed the atmosphere and the food was fantastic. We finished the evening with the most delicious red velvet cheesecake! It was a perfect evening! We returned home just in time to play a couple games with the kids and then watch some TV while they munched on popcorn. It was such a perfect evening I hope I don't ever forget - or stop trying to re-create it!

Our spectacular dessert!

     Today was a new day. (As all days are...) It was back to "normal" life. We heard from the doctor and have a definite decision for the next step in treating Peanut's AVM. She is scheduled for a special kind of MRI later this month. (I was told that it is called a "stealth brain MRI" which sounds WAY cooler than it is!) Because she is allergic to the dye they use this means we will again be admitted to the hospital. She will have another steroid prep which means another round of crazy blood glucose levels. However, we've adjusted pretty well to this so we will handle it fine this time, I am sure. After they have a clear picture of the precise location and size of the remainder of the AVM, Peanut will have one radiation treatment. She will not lose her hair or have any of the side effects that typically go along with radiation treatments. However, they have let us know that it is quite likely that she will have some temporary deficiencies that develop about 2 months after that treatment. We are a bit worried about that. Once again, I know we just need to trust God. Yet again I find myself trying to just leave it all in God's hands. I know He will carry us through this. I know He is my strength. If I did not get my strength from God I know that I could not handle another long road. I am so thankful for a heavenly Father who loves me so much and is willing to carry every burden I have. Once we get past the temporary deficiencies we will still be playing the waiting game. It takes 2 years after the radiation for the AVM to be completely shriveled up. I'm sure Peanut will have many other scans to complete over those 2 years. For now, we will prepare for one appointment at a time and not worry about all the upcoming things. We are thrilled that we have a plan, that the doctor's have discussed her case at length to determine the best possible treatment and that we are moving forward. I am hoping that in 2 years we will be celebrating the end of this AVM journey with a trip to Disney! But SHHHHH! The kids don't know! ;)

Monday, January 7, 2013

A productive day

     Well, today I have been blessed with motivation, determination and more energy than I can remember having in a very long time! I had a day at home! This is very rare - I am usually up at the kids school volunteering in my daughter's class or working in the day care so I can be there to check Peanut's blood sugar and administer her insulin. However, today I had a friend who was able to fill in for me! YAY!! I decided to spend the day trying to get caught up around the house. But first, I got a good work out in. I have to get serious about losing weight and the first step is working out regularly. So, after my workout and shower, I sat down for a minute. About 30 minutes later I woke up!! I don't remember ever falling asleep in a chair in the middle of any morning! I was able to get some reading and laundry done. (I even did one load 2x just for extra credit - oh and because I forgot the soap the first time) ;) I put away the rest of the Christmas decorations, filled some of Peanut's prescriptions, got gas in the car, and returned a pair of pants my husband bought about 3 months ago and then decided he didn't like! After picking the kids up at school I did some more laundry, cleaned the garage - including getting 2 bikes up on their hooks and out of the way. Then, I helped my son with his homework and did our dinner routine - not too much work since my wonderful sister does all the cooking! After dinner I packed lunches for tomorrow then re-organized a cupboard that has been driving me crazy for quite a while! It's been a wonderful day and I feel very productive! If it's the workout that did this for me, I need to start doing that everyday!
     This evening, Peanut is complaining that her stomach is hurting again. We try not to worry about her but it seems like every time she develops a new symptom it's something major. She had the flu over the weekend but I thought she was over this. It just seems strange that she is sick one day, fine the next and then sick the day after that. I hope it's nothing serious and that whatever this is, it passes quickly. We decided that if she is still feeling this way tomorrow night, we will have to take her into the doctor. I often wonder when she gets sick how different it would be if it were someone else who was sick. Would we react the same way? Would we be as concerned or do we just over-react to every little thing with her? I know that by now I should have no problems trusting God with her health, especially. However, my husband and I have faced the possibility of losing her and it almost broke us. I don't feel prepared to face that possibility again. I'm not sure we could handle another hospital stay or diagnosis right now either. I know it seems like we are making a mountain out of a mole hill but it's hard to not do that with her. We have not been promised anything. We do not know how much time we will have with either of our children. I just pray it is a lifetime and continue to work on trusting God. I know He will continue to take care of us as he has all this time. It's just easy to get caught up in the what-ifs. Time to tell myself no - I will not think this way. Instead, I will choose to trust God. I will choose to enjoy the time we have today - right now. I will be happy to have time with my family. I will trust God to handle the future because I have enough on my plate already. I remember asking my sister-in-law one time how she handled raising her 5 children alone while her husband is deployed. Her answer was so true: "I take it one day at a time. And sometimes, one minute at a time." That is the attitude I must take when I begin to feel overwhelmed. I will not be knocked down by the what-ifs. I will live today. I will love, laugh, and cherish my family and friends. It's a good life I've been blessed with. It's an incredible journey I am on. What a great God we have who loves us more than we could fathom!

Friday, January 4, 2013

Follow up

     Today we met with the doctor that performed both of Peanut's procedures as well as her initial angiogram. It was just a routine follow-up appointment but we were able to get a little more information about our next step. Peanut will be admitted to the hospital for a special kind of MRI. She has to be admitted because she is allergic to the dye they use. So, they give her steroids beforehand to prevent an allergic reaction. The steroids cause her blood sugar to spike which requires constant careful monitoring. She is certainly a special case! We were sad to learn that we most likely will not see this doctor again. He was always wonderful with us - going the extra mile to help in any way he could. The procedures were amazingly successful - in part thanks to his expertise and steady hand and in part to the gracious workings of our Lord.
     After the MRI is completed and they have a very clear image of the AVM, Peanut will undergo radiation to treat and hopefully completely shrivel up the last of the AVM. After approximately 2 months, there is a high probability that Peanut will begin to show deficits that the doctors assure us will be temporary. Because of the location of the AVM I'm guessing she will have more memory problems and possible vision difficulties. I'm a bit nervous about this. I know I should trust God - He's done so much for us and protected Peanut through all the steps of this process. However, I begin to wonder, at what point have we used up all our miracles? I truly believe that at least 3 specific miracles took place - she survived the initial brain bleed and she had 2 successful procedures to treat the area. There are so many other things involved in those 3 - things like she still has equal strength on both sides of her body, she is able to appropriately express herself and communicate with others, she suffered very few long lasting effects of a BRAIN BLEED! This is major, I know that. Man, do I know it! But we are so unworthy of all that we have received. At what point does God stop? I know as a Christian I am supposed to believe that God's mercy, love and grace will never run out. That we can never out give God. However, I cannot fathom a being with so much love that He would continually give these blessings and miracles to someone as undeserving as me and my family. We are not special. We have little that sets us apart from others. We are not major players in spiritual warfare. We are not missionaries, dedicated volunteers, pastors, teachers or any other "high" position in the Christian world. We are just like everyone else. We feel the same things, we do the same things, we struggle the same way as everyone else. Why were we given the amazing gift of a miraculously healed daughter? And we didn't do a thing to deserve it (not that we ever could). Peanut is a typical, strong-willed, fit-throwing, life-loving, brother-fighting, doll-playing, fairy-imagining, rainbow-loving little 5 year old girl! There are some who expect her to become an amazing doctor, a missionary, a pastor or some other "major" thing - working like Mother Theresa to advance faith in our Savior. What if they are wrong? What if she is just going to be just like her parents - ordinary, normal, regular? What if there is no "grand scheme" to create a massive force for the kingdom out of this little girl? She, like every other child, is a miracle. She is a beautiful creation. She is just like every other child. I don't expect her to work miracles for others or to have such an incredible story that she impacts thousands by sharing it. So, what is the reason for all of this? Why did we go through this? Why are we still going through all of this? What is this accomplishing? For me, I believe there is no greater purpose right now. Sure, God can use this at any time to reach someone and lead them to faith in Jesus Christ. But I still cannot see that as the whole reason this happened. The only purpose I can see for this is that life happens.  And through it all, our God loves us! He loves us ridiculously, sacrificially and in ways we cannot even begin to understand. He loves us!! That is amazing! Who are we that He would love us? We do not deserve it. He just loves us because He is God and we are His creation. What would our world look like if I loved like that? If I just did good things to others because I loved them. Because I saw the intrinsic value of every life. What if I could love like that?